D. J. MacHale Quotes

I actually don't have a lot of faith in comedy.

Discord says it's a good idea. That's comforting.

If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?

The point is, how do you know the Guarantee Fairy isn't a crazy glue sniffer.

Men are wonderful. I adore them. They always give you the benefit of the doubt.

I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

I don't think there's a punch-line scheduled, is there?

He was a great patriot, a humanitarian, a loyal friend; provided, of course, he really is dead.

I would think a sense of the absurd is more important for a political cartoonist, because that could define things like a sense of hypocrisy or a sense of the things one has to be skeptical about.

It's just something that's sort of funny, sort of not.

I'm Kevin Nealon, and that's news to me.

You shouldn't listen to us at all if you're looking for information. We don't take ourselves seriously on any level; we're just comedians.

I wish I were as sure of anything as Charles (Krouthammer) is about everything.

Albert grunted. "Do you know what happens to lads who ask too many questions?" Mort thought for a moment. "No," he said eventually, "what?" There was silence. Then Albert straightened up and said, "Damned if I know. Probably they get answers, and serve 'em right.

Have you seen a unicorn in the woods?" "I imagine that's next," Jared muttered. "Right," said Holly. "Well. If the unicorn is pink, about two feet tall, with a sparkly mane, we'll know my imaginary friend is real too.

Comedy is tragedy revisited or hostility. It is mock hostility, of course, or it would be ugly; we would have a war.

Let me guess,' Ian said in a voice like ice. 'You fell on a rock.

I've been an atheist ever since I heard there was only a stairway to heaven

Now produce your explanation and pray make it improbable.

Careful there, Poet. I might start to believe you.

Obviously I was either onto something, or on something.

Dustin Runnels came up to me and asked me if I made my peace with God today. I don't know if I ever had a fight with him.

I should like to know who has been carried off, except poor dear me - I have been more ravished myself than anybody since the Trojan war.

Everything I've stated may prove to be total poppycock.... Perhaps time will tell. Perhaps time will do nothing of the kind.

Whoop-de-do," said Ram. "What?" "I'm celebrating." "Was that irony or loss of mental function?" asked the expendable. "Was that a rhetorical questions, a bit of humor, or a sign that you are losing confidence in me?" "I have no confidence in you, Ram," said the expendable. "Well, thanks." "You're welcome.