Kurt Vonnegut Quotes

I love horror, I love scary movies, I love thrillers. If things creep you out and spook you? I love it.

When he's late for dinner, I know he's either having an affair or is lying dead in the street. I always hope it's the street.

It takes intelligence to make real comedy, and it takes a reality base to create all that little stuff I like to do that makes you giggle inside.

I wasn't very good in academics, but I could have been if I could have studied well. I was a smart kid.

When he is late for dinner and I know he must be either having an affair or lying dead in the street, I always hope he's dead.

It's not scary to make a horror film because you get to pull back the curtain and see that none of it's real. When you're watching one, the terror bombards you.

If someone thinks I'm posh, it just shows how lowly they are. Some people think I went to Eton. I'm far too stupid to get into Eton.

Your thoughts create your reality.

It's a grim business, this being funny. Every time you come up with a strong, satiric idea, the world tops it.

I'm really scary in reality. Most of the time.

I take my hat off to you — or I would, if I were not afraid of showering you in spiders.

Don't you love it when people in school are like, “I'm a bad test taker”? You mean, you're stupid. Oh, you struggle with that part where we find out what you know? Oh. No, no, I can totally relate. See, because I'm a brilliant painter, minus my God-awful brushstrokes. Oh, how the masterpiece is crystal up here, but once paint hits canvas, I develop Parkinson's.

Nothin’s real scary except in books.

If I’m not back in a few hours…well, I don’t want to think about that. I might change my mind about doing this. I’m thinking happy thoughts. Creamed dog innards and rotten steak. Yeah. Yum! (Asmodeus)

I believe Sarah Palin is a true statesman, whose experience as a failed vice presidential candidate, half-term governor and eight-episode reality star has fully prepared her to take control of our nuclear arsenal.

Maybe I should, I don't know leave? Because this is starting to sound like one of those reality shows I don't want to be in. Maybe you guys want to take turns in the confessional booth.

Craziness was considered funny, like all other things that were in reality frightening and profoundly shameful.

I watched that new reality show on ABC with Charlie Gibson, 'America's Next Top Vice President.' ... Oh, what an exciting show that is! Did you see Sarah Palin's interview with Charlie Gibson? Did you all watch that? In fact, John McCain was watching it at home, and at one point, he turned to his wife and said, 'She looks really familiar.'

If I need you I'll give you a signal.' What signal?" I'll imitate the scream of a terrified little girl

I turned down Halloween parties every year, where people wanted zombies raised at the stroke of midnight or some such nonsense. The scarier my reputation got, the more people wanted me to come be scary for them. I'd told Bert I could always go and threaten to shoot all the partygoers, that'd be scary. Bert had not been amused. But he had stopped asking me to do parties.

…well just call me Hannibal Lecter. With cleavage.

I beg you both, take heart.'(Varys) 'Whose?' asked Tyrion sourly. He could think of several tempting choices.

Well . . . sure good to be together again. Arguing. Almost dying. Abject terror. Oh, look. It's our floor.

I would not educate Donald trump. He is a very educated man.

There are no sick people in North Oxford. They are either dead or alive. It's sometimes difficult to tell the difference, that's all.