Charles Woodson Quotes

I don't like the NFL, where I think it's a problem: some guy scores a touchdown, now he's got some kind of dance that he planned. To me, I just want to change the channel.

Just being there at the Olympics, you kind of just take in every single moment.

Enter with the torch in the stadium. 80,000 people screaming. I was waiting downstairs for the start for 10 hours; I was so tired with the torch. I give the torch to the combined ski cross country that they win gold in Lillehammer in 1994.

My kids have played soccer and baseball and basketball, and the parents who come to games are always saying and doing things that are just wildly inappropriate.

An Englishman will burn his bed to catch a flea.

I like Strahan a lot. I've known him for years. He was a Giant here - in many ways. Had a big following with the New York Giants. He's very funny. He's got a great sense of humor.

If you watch a guy go out on court and have a meltdown, you're not going to think, 'Oh my God, now I'm screwed.' Or you're not going to think, 'The umpire's going to give him calls because he's just told him he's an idiot or the pits of the world.'

I played defense, so I don't like when guys celebrate with dances and stuff.

I think actually it's kind of sad because something I looked forward to just getting to the NFL growing up was just being able to have more fun, the rules loosen up, being able to celebrate.

OK, my funniest tech I ever got in the NBA was for looking at a ref.

It was as hysterical as a woman having a hot flash.

I can't believe we got grades in gym class. I've never used anything I learned in there. "All right, I'm standing in front of a room full of strangers. Based on what I learned in gym class, I will throw a red ball at a fat guy."

The favorite to win the Olympic gold medal in archery is a legally blind athlete from South Korea, mainly because everyone else is too scared to compete next to him.

Easter time reminds us that we have every right to believe that this hope is based on time-tested truths and a solid foundation.

A member of the committee slapped a name tag over my left bosom. "What shall we name the other one?" I smiled. She was not amused.

I SEND YOU MY HEARTY CONGRATULATIONS UPON BEGINNING THE THIRTIETH YEAR OF YOUR GREAT CAREER AS MANAGER OF THE NEW YORK GIANTS, IN WHICH YOU HAVE DONE SO MUCH TO UPHOLD THE TRADITIONS OF CLEAN SPORTSMANSHIP IN THE MOST BELOVED NATIONAL GAME.

Jewish people, we don't believe in Hell or a future place to suffer. We're suffering right now. Every one of our holidays celebrates how much we've suffered. Passover - we're celebrating 5,000 years ago, God passed over our houses and murdered all the Egyptians. We're celebrating, 'Hey, thank God we didn't get slaughtered.

Whatever the occasion, do not neglect alcohol. No other refreshment will do. Yes, alcohol kills brain cells, but it's very selective. It only kills the brain cells that contain good sense, shame, embarrassment, and restraint.

Contrary to what certain comedians have led you to believe, the national French pastime is picnicking.

I hospitalized a rock, killed a brick...I'm so bad I make medicine sick!

The only way to spend New Year's Eve is either quietly with friends or in a brothel. Otherwise when the evening ends and people pair off, someone is bound to be left in tears.

Comedians usually are rooting for the underdog. I mean to take a shot at an underdog I think is really stupid and low and not funny.

I was glad to see Italy win. All the guys on the team were Italians.

Ever notice that people who believe in creationism look really unevolved? Eyes real close together, big furry hands and feet. "I believe God created me in one day." Yeah, looks like he rushed it.

You can't eat a winner's plaque.