Lewis Carroll Quotes

My brother is undoubtedly arrogant," Tyrion Lannister replied. "My father is the soul of avarice, and my sweet sister Cersei lusts for power with every waking breath. I, however, am innocent as a little lamb. Shall I bleat for you?

Praise undeserved, is satire in disguise.

The scariest people are usually the sweetest.

Hypocrisy is great fodder for comedy.

The world is a perpetual caricature of itself; at every moment it is the mockery and the contradiction of what it is pretending to be.

I and my public understand each other very well: it does not hear what I say, and I don't say what it wants to hear.

You know, I've got a confession to make myself. I'm not really a priest, I've just got my shirt on backwards.

Generosity is a part of my character, and I therefore hasten to assure this Government that I will never make an allegation of dishonesty against it wherever a simple explanation of stupidity will suffice.

The right honorable gentlemen is indebted to his memory for his jests, and to his imagination for his facts.

To me, the funniest American of the Twentieth Century is Richard Nixon because he had the most to hide, and he was so bad at hiding it. To me, that's what's really funny - people who think they're doing a great job of hiding stuff, and it just keeps leaking out.

It is better to fall in with crows than with flatterers; for in the one case you are devoured when dead, in the other case while alive.

If Chelsea are naive and pure then I'm Little Red Riding Hood.

Mr. Robinson was a polished sort of person. He was so clean and healthy and pleased about everything that he positively shone - which is only to be expected in a fairy or an angel, but is somewhat disconcerting in an attorney.

Irony is an insult conveyed in the form of a compliment.

The puppet on the right shares my beliefs, the puppet on the left is more to my liking. Hey...there's one guy holding up both!

A Wolf eats sheep but now and then; Ten thousands are devour'd by men. An open foe may prove a curse, but a pretend friend is worse.

Wouldn't it be a helluva joke if all this were really burnt cork and you people were being tolerant for nuthin'?

You must never imagine, that just because something is funny, it is not also dangerous.

I saw a guy wearing a "What Would Jesus Do?" bracelet and a Lance Armstrong bracelet, and he went up to this blind kid and rubbed his eyes, and the kid could see. But he wasn't used to the light, 'cause it was bright, and he walked into traffic and was killed instantly. Okay, the people that are laughing right now? I'm gonna call you guys half-full. Because you're focusing on the important part of the story: the bracelets are working.

I looked at the stained-glass image of the lamb in the window above me, but that only reminded me that lambs are famous for being led to slaughter, or sometimes hanging out with lions in ill-advised relationships.

irony is a way of having one's cake while appearing to eat it.

Christopher heard a pair of women gossiping nearby, whispering in disapproving undertones. "... Ramsey was found flirting in a corner with a woman. They had to drag him away from her." "Who was it?" "His own wife." "Oh, dear.

Of the Shaker society, it was formerly a sort of proverb in the country, that they always sent the devil to market.

God save us always,' I said 'from the innocent and the good.

As a comedian, I think we all look for those areas where the truth diverts from what people are saying. That's why politics is such a rich area for us, because politicians make promises, and they don't keep them, and when we point out the difference, we get the laugh.