Alain de Botton Quotes

Most men are fragile.

Most men have an insecurity of some sort. But we're brought up to believe that we can't show them.

Most men act so tough and strong on the outside because on the inside, we are scared, weak, and fragile. Men, not women, are the weaker sex.

I'm a giant softy, for sure, but I honestly think these days it's probably considered more masculine to be emotionally connected.

You can still be a man and have an emotional side.

Very few males have the confidence to appear vulnerable.

Men may feel just disempowered by intimacy, by being close to a woman, and also by feeling the tender feelings that they're ashamed of.

I like men. They are hugely entertaining, but they have a lot of shortcomings and you just have to bear those in mind.

Men walk this tightrope where any sign of weakness illicits shame, and so they're afraid to make themselves vulnerable for fear of looking weak.

Men that aren't threatened by opinionated, faintly aggressive women are in a minority.

And I think from a male perspective, we have men talking about their feelings and it being okay.

There are some men who are frightened by strong women and some men who are nurtured by them and feel nervous, with weak clinging vines. And I am very much of the latter category.

When a Spanish man cries it's not a sign of weakness.

If you're embarrassed because you have some notion about how men are supposed to behave, and it doesn't include weeping, then you have some personal work to do.

Men! The only animal in the world to fear.

So much of Hollywood is this kind of overly machismo, nonsensical view of masculinity, which I just don't find honest. I think it's this idea of - you know, we're told, well, 'Be a man, be a man.' But what does that mean, exactly? Does that mean you can't carry yourself with any fear? That you can't acknowledge that you're scared?

It's really hard for men to tell other men 'I love you' without putting a 'man' at the end of it. Like, 'I love you... man.' You just can't look at another man and say, 'I love you.'

Forgiveness is hard for me, man. It is for most American-Western males. It's a sign of weakness.

Men weren't really the enemy - they were fellow victims suffering from an outmoded masculine mystique that made them feel unnecessarily inadequate when there were no bears to kill.

[Referring to George W. Bush] Anybody who has to spend all his time demonstrating his manhood has somehow got to know he ain't got it.

I challenge you [other men] to see if you can use the same qualities that you feel make you a man to go deeper into yourself. Your strength, your bravery, your toughness: Can we redefine what those mean and use them to explore our hearts? Are you brave enough to be vulnerable? To reach out to another man when you need help? To dive headfirst into your shame? Are you strong enough to be sensitive, to cry whether you are hurting or you're happy, even if it makes you look weak? Are you confident enough to listen to the women in your life? To hear their ideas and their solutions? To hold their anguish and actually believe them, even if what they're saying is against you? And will you be man enough to stand up to other men when you hear "locker room talk," when you hear stories of sexual harassment? When you hear your boys talking about grabbing ass or getting her drunk, will you actually stand up and do something so that one day we don't have to live in a world where a woman has to risk everything and come forward to say the words "me too?"

Women, on behalf of men all over the world who feel similar to me, please forgive us for all the ways that we have not relied on your strength. And now I would like to ask you to formally help us, because we cannot do this alone. We are men. We're going to mess up. We're going to say the wrong thing. We're going to be tone-deaf. We're more than likely, probably, going to offend you. But don't lose hope. We're only here because of you, and like you, as men, we need to stand up and become your allies as you fight against pretty much everything. We need your help in celebrating our vulnerability and being patient with us as we make this very, very long journey from our heads to our hearts.

As I see it, my focus has never been on masculine power rampant and triumphant but rather on the antithesis: masculine power impaired.

The crazy thing is a lot of people - a lot of men, if I'm just speaking for myself - don't really start thinking about the effect of hyper-masculinity and false definitions of what it means to be a man until you get married or until you have kids. Because then, all of sudden, you have something to protect.

There is no harm in showing your feelings. It's not unmanly.