Daniel Handler Quotes

Monkeys don't enjoy or appreciate flavours. Experts have told us that human beings are the only beings that can appreciate food at this higher level and the only living beings that cook.

Congealed fat is pretty much the same, irrespective of the delicacy around which it is concealed.

No one likes rubbery chicken.

The soup, thin and dark and utterly savorless, tasted as if it had been drained out of the umbrella stand.

Cuisine is only about making foods taste the way they are supposed to taste.

It's funny how cucumber water can taste so much better than pickle juice, even though they come from the same source.

It tastes like somebody stole my wallet. Ya know?

Truffles must come to the table in their own stock and as you break open this jewel sprung from a poverty-stricken soil, imagine - if you have never visited it - the desolate kingdom where it rules.

Not all poisonous juices are burning or bitter nor is everything which is burning and bitter poisonous.

A cheese may disappoint. It may be dull, it may be naive, it may be oversophisticated. Yet it remains cheese, milk's leap toward immortality.

Eating is the secret to good cooking.

If you put butter and salt on it, it tastes like salty butter.

American Danish can be doughy, heavy, sticky, tasting of prunes and is usually wrapped in cellophane. Danish Danish is light, crisp, buttery and often tastes of marzipan or raisins; it is seldom wrapped in anything but loving care.

A lie, as you probably know, has a taste all its own. Blocky and bitter and never quite right.

Nobody pours stuffing like you do, my friend.

And don't forget music - music in the kitchen is an essential ingredient!

Hunger is the best sauce in the world.

Do not be afraid of cooking as your ingredients will know, and misbehave. Enjoy your cooking and the food will behave; moreover it will pass your pleasure on to those who eat it.

Barbecue sauce is like a beautiful woman. If it's too sweet, it's bound to be hiding something.

I never see any home cooking - all I get is fancy stuff.

Woe to the cook whose sauce has no sting.

EAT, v.i. To perform successively (and successfully) the functions of mastication, humectation, and deglutition. 'I was in the drawing-room, enjoying my dinner,' said Brillat-Savarin, beginning an anecdote. 'What!' interrupted Rochebriant; 'eating dinner in a drawing-room?' 'I must beg you to observe, monsieur,' explained the great gastronome, 'that I did not say I was eating my dinner, but enjoying it. I had dined an hour before.'

It scored right away with me by being the smooth, fine-grained sort, not the coarse flaky, dry-on-the-outside rubbish full of chunds of gut and gristle to testify to its authenticity.

I don't enjoy cooking when I'm high. And I don't want to be eating garbage because then I'll feel gross.

The sweet of bitter bark And burning clove.