DEBORAH MAILMAN

I was big as a kid, very overweight. That caused a lot of insecurities for me growing up, and on top of that, I didn't like the idea of big crowds. I found it quite frightening. I enjoy the company of people who I know, and I'm probably still like that today.

I guess there's this mind shift that happens once you're on stage. I don't know, chemicals, something happens and you just... I just become completely in control of where I am. And it's all about trusting the people that you're on the stage with, listening... and it just falls into place really easily.

When I see a role I want, I fight for it.

Behind my door at home, that's when I'm relaxed, and that's when I can allow the emotions or whatever - to feel just what I want to feel - so a lot of people don't know me in that respect. I need a bit of space, a bit of a place to come home to and not have to pretend or perform anymore, where I'm just myself.

If there's one thing I could wish for right now, it would be to have one of those horses from the merry-go-round - they were the most exciting thing to go on as a kid.

My school friends thought I was outgoing and bubbly, but that masked a lot of insecurities, and maybe that's the reason I chose drama - to build a bit of self-confidence. I had a great teacher, and I won a few speech and drama competitions and just fell in love with it.

The Australian film industry is a small industry, so you have to really be flexible within working in different mediums. A lot of actors work in theater, film, and television, because there's not much opportunity in terms of employment there. So you do have to be resourceful and be able to flex your muscles artistically.

Some people think that there aren't many Aboriginal actors around, and if there are, they're not that good. It's stupid. There's such an incredible pool of talent out there, and they're still coming out of drama schools. People just need to take a leap of faith.

There is that idea of seeming crazy when you're seeing spirits or you're seeing dead people, you know what I mean? There's a certain sort of stigma, a sort of kookiness, when it comes to that.

I like solitude. I'm very good at being disconnected. I do a lot of disappearing. People who know me go, 'Oh yeah, Mailman, she's gone into her cave again.' I'm like that, a bit of a hibernating bear. Like that crocodile that just sits there in the water and doesn't do much. I was always a bit of a dreamer as a kid, so that hasn't changed.

My school friends thought I was outgoing and bubbly, but that masked a lot of insecurities, and maybe that's the reason I chose drama - to build a bit of self-confidence. I had a great teacher, and I won a few speech and drama competitions and just fell in love with it.

If there's one thing I could wish for right now, it would be to have one of those horses from the merry-go-round - they were the most exciting thing to go on as a kid.

When I see a role I want, I fight for it.

Motherhood is wonderful, but it's also hard work. It's the logistics more than anything. You discover you have reserves of energy you didn't know you had.

The Australian film industry is a small industry, so you have to really be flexible within working in different mediums. A lot of actors work in theater, film, and television, because there's not much opportunity in terms of employment there.

I'm not a girly girl, never have been. I really admire those who love to frock up.

I guess there's this mind shift that happens once you're on stage. I don't know, chemicals, something happens and you just... I just become completely in control of where I am. And it's all about trusting the people that you're on the stage with, listening... and it just falls into place really easily.

I grew up with horses and cattle, running around on dirt hills with this real sense of space. We didn't have neighbours - well, the nearest ones were kilometres away.

About Grade 9 and Grade 10, I had a fantastic drama teacher, and it was one of the first subjects I actually felt that I was good at. I wasn't a mathematician. Didn't like science, any of those subjects. English and Drama were the two subjects that I loved and felt that I was good at.

I never get used to the red carpets and premieres, to be honest, but when you're walking down the red carpet promoting stories such as 'Mabo,' it means everything to me.

Behind my door at home, that's when I'm relaxed, and that's when I can allow the emotions or whatever - to feel just what I want to feel - so a lot of people don't know me in that respect. I need a bit of space, a bit of a place to come home to and not have to pretend or perform anymore, where I'm just myself.

I have worked with a lot of really great women directors: Ana Kokkinos; Cate Shortland, who just recently directed a film called 'Lore;' another director, Rachel Perkins - she's an Aboriginal director, and I've worked with her three times now, and she gave me my first film role, actually, back in 1997.

I'm not a hugely social person. Obviously there's a big part of the job that requires that as actors, but it's not the most comfortable for me. I'm a homebody. I don't go out. My life is work and family. There's not a lot in between. That's how I like it.

Because I've got an AFI award, I feel there is a certain expectation when I walk into a room, you know, that 'That Deb Mailman must know something!' But I'm just as nervous with every experience. I still doubt whether or not I can pull something off. I still think, 'When is the review going to come along that says Deb Mailman's not very good?'

There is that idea of seeming crazy when you're seeing spirits or you're seeing dead people, you know what I mean? There's a certain sort of stigma, a sort of kookiness, when it comes to that.

Dad passed away in 2000, but he visits me all the time. He comes to me in different ways. So I have that connection with him, and that comforts me, to know that in time I can come back and still have that with my kids. It's not unfamiliar to me, that connection with the afterlife. I know it's real; I experience it all the time.

Some people think that there aren't many Aboriginal actors around, and if there are, they're not that good. It's stupid. There's such an incredible pool of talent out there, and they're still coming out of drama schools. People just need to take a leap of faith.

People understand about family; people understand about being in situations where you have to be brave. People get falling in love.

I like solitude. I'm very good at being disconnected. I do a lot of disappearing. People who know me go, 'Oh yeah, Mailman, she's gone into her cave again.' I'm like that, a bit of a hibernating bear. Like that crocodile that just sits there in the water and doesn't do much. I was always a bit of a dreamer as a kid, so that hasn't changed.

Both 'Mabo' and 'The Sapphires' have been significant roles because it's about my people. They are celebratory stories, on top of allowing people to understand our history.

If I look at the one thorn that is in my side, of all my life, it is my weight. I fret about it, I'm anxious about it, being an actor on television - it drives me insane. It just seems to be something that plays a central part in waking up in the morning and thinking, 'How am I with myself today?'

I was big as a kid, very overweight. That caused a lot of insecurities for me growing up, and on top of that, I didn't like the idea of big crowds. I found it quite frightening. I enjoy the company of people who I know, and I'm probably still like that today.

The Australian film industry is a small industry, so you have to really be flexible within working in different mediums. A lot of actors work in theater, film, and television, because there's not much opportunity in terms of employment there. So you do have to be resourceful and be able to flex your muscles artistically.