It's an abnormal world I live in. I don't belong anywhere. It's like I'm floating down the middle. I'm never quite sure where I am.
I was a weirdo. I wasn't picked on or anything. And I wasn't smarter than the other kids; that's not why I didn't fit in. I've always had this weird anxiety. I hated recess. I didn't like field trips. Parties really stressed me out. And I had a very different sense of humour.
Mostly, I could tell, I made him feel uncomfortable. He didn't understand me, and he was sort of holding it against me. I felt the urge to reassure him that I was like everybody else, just like everybody else. But really there wasn't much point, and I gave up the idea out of laziness.
The problem was, I think, that the places I fit in were always falling behind the rimes.
I would never be part of anything. I would never really belong anywhere, and I knew it, and all my life would be the same, trying to belong, and failing. Always something would go wrong. I am a stranger and I always will be, and after all I didn’t really care.
I've never thought of myself as an outsider but the more I'm around people, it appears to be that I'm an outsider. When they look at you and go, "What planet did you drop in from?" I don't know, but it's always been like that.
It was funny being at high school and also grocery shopping and having a job. Other kids were going home to their parents, who were doing their laundry, and I was like, 'Wait, what?' I was super isolated. I was 16, alone in New York, and modelling.
Middle school was what programmed me to be semi-insecure, like, all of the time. I didn’t fit in….I’d stand on the outside of the circle but I was never really in. That’s when I started to realize there’s this thing called rejection.
I think I'll feel out of place wherever I go on earth, forever. But that's fine. I have to make my peace with that.
