Chic Murray once told me he fell in the street, and a woman said to him, "Did you fall?" He said, "No, I'm tryin' to break a bar of chocolate in my back pocket."
There's a real emphasis on being witty in Scotland, even in crime novels.
Golf is an exercise in Scottish pointlessness for people who are no longer able to throw telephone poles at each other.
,000 people in Hampden Park. Of course they're all Scottish. Because no one else goes there. The English have an unwritten rule: they only go to places they might get back from.
I still enjoy a wee game of poker now and then, but I'm not very good, and being Scottish, I don't like to lose that much money!
I haven't found anything to complain about. But being Scottish, it won't be long.
The Danes don't take themselves seriously at all and look for the joke in everything. Us Scots are on the same line of latitude and have the same amount of light, which may be why we have a similar sense of humour.
Billy Connolly is probably the greatest stand-up this country has ever produced and he swears all the time.
The whole [Scotch] nation hitherto has been void of wit and humour, and even incapable of relishing it.
