Public Toilet Quotes

Could I just use the loo?” I asked the nice officer. “No.” She closed the door in my face, As if I might rig an explosion in the toilet. Honestly.

What was wrong with train toilet doors that just locked, instead of this multiple choice system? If anything goes wrong, you'll be sitting there while the whole toilet wall slowly slides away, unveiling you like a prize on a quiz show. For 500 points, a shitting woman!

There's never any graffiti in the hotel. Although in the Gents a couple of weeks ago I did see someone had drawn a lady's part. Quite detailed. The guy obviously had talent.

The hardest thing is when you're in public, and you need to go to the toilet, and someone asks for a photo. And their phone is either flat, dead, or they've turned it off completely. You're trying to rush to the toilet, and they want your autograph - and I hate saying no, I feel so bad.

Starbucks is planning to close down all the restrooms in its New York locations. Which explains the most popular new Starbucks order: An empty cup.

I think it's weird going to the toilet in clothes. I don't like it.

Well, one of the myths early on that I think is one of the funnier things we've done is airline toilet seats. That one was about a large woman that sat down on a seat in an airline and flushed the toilet and got stuck on it.