Parenting Chaos Quotes

I read somewhere that Mitt and I have a 'storybook marriage.' Well, in the storybooks I read, there were never long, long, rainy winter afternoons in a house with five boys screaming at once. And those storybooks never seemed to have chapters called MS or breast cancer.

It's confusing. I've had so many wives and so many children I don't know which house to go to first on Christmas.

With two sons born eighteen months apart, I operated mainly on automatic pilot through the ceaseless activity of their early childhood. I remember opening the refrigerator late one night and finding a roll of aluminum foil next to a pair of small red tennies. Certain that I was responsible for the refrigerated shoes, I quickly closed the door and ran upstairs to make sure I had put the babies in their cribs instead of the linen closet.

Sometimes being a dad is like watching a ping-pong match.

Having children is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.

I frequently do drive carpool in the clothes I slept in, because it's impossible to get three children out the door with lunches packed and all that stuff and have a do.

You can't live like a monk if you have two five-year-old twins. That ain't happening. Just the opposite, actually.

My son's baby paraphernalia always ends up in my bag.

I got so much food spit back in my face when my kids were small, I put windshield wipers on my glasses.