Ex-Partners Quotes

I've been accused of being a bit too keen on my football, not least by my three ex-wives.

I can always get better. A lot of my ex-girlfriends don't think I'm funny.

When my parents were divorced in the late '70s, early '80s, the climate was that you should screw over your ex as much as possible - get the worst lawyer in the world, all that. That's not what people are out to do anymore. It feels cruddy to try and destroy each other just because you're breaking up.

My ex-husband is not on social media or Facebook, which I find fascinating and I do not follow any [others]. I know that one of them follows me, which I find interesting.

Here's one thing I can't understand: people who are friends with their exes.

If you had an ex-wife, and it was a pretty bitter split, you might not ever want to talk to her again. Who cares if everybody in the family and your friends want you to say hello again? It's your choice whether you want to do it or not.

I mean everybody's got ex-boyfriends and girlfriends. Everybody's got baggage.

I'd rather sit in bed and watch TV. All of my ex-boyfriends, of course, not Paris, would be like, 'What's the problem? You're so not sexual.'

I'm still friends with all my exes, apart from my husbands.

Ex-girlfriends will find themselves in my new routine. Sometimes they like that, and sometimes they definitely do not. But comedians should come with a giant warning or disclaimer: IF YOU DATE ME, IT WILL BE IN MY ACT.

I'm not on good terms with any of my exes. That's why we're not together anymore. We're not friends.

I'm not friends with any of my exes, and I've never understood the appeal.

Don't paint a nasty picture of your exes. We'll justifiably wonder what made you stay in those heinous situations in the first place.

All my life there's always been an ex-wife or a girlfriend.

Our ex-wifes always harbour secrets about us that make them irresistable. Until, of course, we remember who we are and what we did and why we are not married anymore.

The only way you'll have a pen of potential Romeos from your past to choose from is to actually have a past.

this is why we call people exes, I guess - because the paths that cross in the middle end up separating at the end. it's too easy to see an X as a cross-out. it's not, because there's no way to cross out something like that. the X is a diagram of two paths.

Oh, boy. I'm still in touch with about 90 percent of my exes. They would describe me as being unlucky in love.

There are times when it's difficult to see your wife and her ex-husband sitting next to each other chatting away.

Whenever you have an ex, and they're like, 'I hope we can still be friends!' and you weren't friends before you started dating, then what do you go back to, really?

The day I showed up to South Carolina to work, I was with my kid and my ex and our dog and Kirk was hanging with this weird guy and I kind of defined the two of them by his friend and made a vow to avoid him.

Never be friends with your exes if you weren't friends with them before.

I'm not attracted to dangerous men. I'm attracted, apparently, to height. One ex was 6'6; the one before was 6'4, then 6'3. I like freakishly tall people.

It feels like a perfect night, to dress up like hipsters, and make fun of our exes.

Exes should never, never go out with or marry other people but should remain celibate to the end of their days in order to provide you with a mental fallback position.