Dave Barry Quotes

The first thing I did on my diet was take the batteries out of the remote control and make myself get up and change the channel. That's probably the hardest exercise I did.

I think I'm a lot funnier and goofier than people were able to see on 'Dancing With the Stars.'

I love CNN. I love the Cartoon Network. I mean, I thought these things up.

I like to keep almonds in my pantry. I also like to keep fruit on hand, just different types depending on the season. And string cheese - that's a really good one.

I still have the shirt I wore my first time on Johnny Carson's show. Only now I use it as a tablecloth at dinner parties. It was very blousy.

[Reanu Reeves] is a very imaginative actor. He can have this wonderful balance of humor and fear. He's got these skills to be entertaining but also quite terrifying.

I went to school for marketing and advertising, so I have a special interest in good and funny commercials and why they work and why they're funny - which is one of the reasons I, like many people, like watching the Super Bowl, besides the game.

One of the greatest gifts to mankind is laughter, and one of the greatest gifts to laughter is Lucille Ball. God has her now but thanks to television, we'll have her forever.

Rather than munching on a bag of potato chips, stick to fresh fruit and veggies.

My idea of a meal, if I was hungry, was to open a bag of potato chips.

I be goofy, kinda funny. Acting stupid but they love me.

It's the digital era. What makes it exciting is that it's both the Golden Age of television and the Wild West of television. Something is happening now that's unprecedented, and we know that we're a part of it. What could be more exciting or better than that? You can't lose because you're on the pony and you're staking the claim.

If you have wit, use it to please and not to hurt: you may shine like the sun in the temperate zones without scorching.

Witty and mean is easy - but fond and funny is hard.

I think the best-written films or television series have a measure of the opposite of what they are.

You were safe on a troll. Anyone wanting to mug a troll would have to use a building on a stick.

Sometimes I want to go into Saturday Night Live and rewrite some of the sketches because they're really not that good.

I don't want to take myself too seriously. That's my lesson to myself.

With Late Night Show I can begin the search for the real Stephen Colbert.I just hope I don't find him on Ashley Madison.

I think the metric by which television is considered liberal is literally based on the metric of liberalism in each person's soul. Peoples' senses of humor tend to go about as far as their ideology.

In fact, I've only been to a couple of other people's dinner parties. But I must admit, I really enjoyed the few I've been to, but I'm not really on that circuit.

If I existed 200 years ago, all the other farmers in my community would be like, 'That guy is worthless! He's sitting on a rock, jumping up like a frog, coming up with weird concepts and ideas, making faces, and combing his hair into a giant pastry.' It's a good thing I was born in this century, when superfluous television seems to be part of the economy.

The truth is somewhere in the middle of funny and serious.

I take making music seriously, but you have to have a sense of humor about yourself. I invite people into my life. That's how I do it.

I'm delighted with it, because it used to be that films were the lowest form of art. Now we've got something to look down on.