Ilana Glazer Quotes

It's kinda weird sometimes going on tour with bands because you never really know what to expect.

I was happy to find out that when on tour, Dolly Parton doesn't use hotels but stays on her bus every night, to the point of having her buses shipped from Austria to Australia so she can tour the way she sees fit. I used one of her buses once - an honor.

Back then, people were throwing their underwear onstage. I remember taking eight pairs of my own underwear to the cleaners and getting only four back.

The Who always play 'I Can't Explain'; and we'll always play 'Wonderwall'. People ask us if we get bored of it. You can't get bored of 15,000 people shouting for 'Wonderwall'. That's better than drugs. You get a hard-on when you hear that.

When you're touring, you're working from the moment you wake up to the moment you got to bed. Sometimes you make up fun drama, because it can get a little boring, but that's all light-hearted fun so that's different.

I'm in a band, and I know exactly who those girls are. I know exactly what goes on backstage. I wish I had a little leash to walk him around.

Let's get to the point Let's roll another joint

13. 99 percent is a very large percentage. For instance, easily 99 percent of people want a roof over their heads, food on their tables, and the occasional slice of cake for dessert. Surely an arrangement can be made with that niggling 1 percent who disagree.

In the old days, that was my ad-lib for hecklers in the joints I worked. It stuck with me. I hardly say it now, say, to fans, even though people do send me hockey pucks.

When I was Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, I would still have junior officers brief me. Usually these people knew more about the subject we were discussing than I did. I had to make sure that they felt confident enough to tell me everything they believed.

When you consider America, there are hundreds of millions of people who have smoked marijuana illegally.

When the bread basket comes to the table and I have a bite, people are like, "Oh, you eat bread?" I say, "Oh, my God, of course I eat bread. I'm human."

I never go out, ever. And I think that's why I've been craving human connection so badly, and in a way, I'm excited to go on tour to be around people all the time.

Writers get exactly the right amount of fame: just enough to get a good table in a restaurant but not enough so that people are constantly interrupting you while you're eating dinner.

It's funny when I get recognized on the train. People either say ‘I love your show, dude’ or ‘Hey, where do you buy good weed?’

More and more people are finding out the benefits of it - hemp and marijuana. The more they delve into it and research it, the more they realize, Hey wait a minute, we should give this another look.

Sometimes, we should maybe sit back and look at all we have. It's because of golf and the tour. I mean, this life we lead is unbelievable.

It isn't so much what's on the table that matters, as what's on the chairs.

I am the representative of all the sick people and what they are doing to me is only the worst case right now, but there will be others. I am living on borrowed time anyway. I owe this part of my life to luck and modern medical science. But I can't imagine what the rest of it will be like if they won't let me use medical marijuana.

I do cherish those moments when I can just relax in the hotel room. Because there are a lot of details that have to be taken care of aside from just getting up onstage. You're dealing with a number of human beings whose well-being and safety you're concerned about. There are people I like to meet and talk to in the crew and the band.

To be grown up is to sit at the table with people who have died, who neither listen nor speak.

People come to my shows and know that they're going to hear about what's going on in the world - what's happening at the moment. My material is as new as anything on the dinner table.

History is about life. It's awful when the life is squeezed out of it and there's no flavor left, no uncertainties, no horsing around. It always disturbed me how many biographers never gave their subjects a chance to eat. You can tell a lot about people by how they eat, what they eat, and what kind of table manners they have.

My first joint I smoked onstage in Sioux Falls, South Dakota. I smoked my first joint live.

In Jamaica, you learn as a child how to roll a joint. Everyone here has tried it. I did too