Paul Johnson Quotes

I grew up in airports and on air bases. I know what flying and airports can be. And most airports make me feel like we're about three per cent better than ants. Especially U.S. airports. They're zoos. All civility is gone.

I hate everything about airports from getting there to taking off.

I think arriving at or departing from any airport in America is just horrendous these days.

Seems like half my anxiety dreams are about airports.

There's parts of touring I like. I like the actual performance part, but the bit when you're in the airport waiting at the carousel for your bags to come around, I don't like that a bit.

A lot of people on holiday get very intolerant of things that go wrong, but getting wound up about the plane being late won't make it come any sooner.

What god would be hanging around Terminal Two of Heathrow Airport trying to catch the 15:37 flight to Oslo?

People come back from flights and tell you a story like it's a horror story. That's how bad they make it sound. They're like, 'It was the worst day of my life. We didn't board for 20 minutes and they made us sit there on the runway for 40 minutes.' Oh really? What happened next? Did you fly in the air, incredibly, like a bird? Did you partake in the miracle of human flight you non-contributing zero?'

I'd like to fly. Then I wouldn't have to wait in airport security lines.

Airline travel is hours of boredom interrupted by moments of stark terror.

The worst way of flying, I think, is standby. It never works. That's why they call it standby. You end up standing there going, 'Bye!'

I've never missed a flight. And I don't see any reason in cutting it close because airports are pleasurable for me: You can go to the restaurant, get a massage, browse books, sit at a bar, check emails.

I put everything into my hand luggage! Really, I do!

Packing is always a nightmare.

You define a good flight by negatives: you didn't get hijacked, you didn't crash, you didn't throw up, you weren't late, you weren't nauseated by the food. So you are grateful.

The idea of being stuck in a plane with dozens of people chatting over each other on their phones might feel like Dante's 10th circle of hell.

I just can't stand being in airports anymore. I just can't stand it.

The problem with airports is that we go there when we need to catch a plane - and because it's so difficult to find the way to the gate, we tend not to look around at our surroundings.

Airports drive me mad. I don't mind the flying; it's all the hassle before you get on the plane and afterwards, including walking five miles through corridors to the point where you queue for ages to check passports and hope your luggage has arrived safely.

Flying isn't great for me - or getting caught in a crowd.

I love airports because funny things always happen at them. They're giant complexes full of urgency, seriousness, and confusion. Where am I supposed to be? Which way do I go? And that's just the staff.

Some people are just weird when you're on a plane - it's the same during a renovation. It stresses them out.

I’ve never enjoyed myself more than I have the past forty-eight hours, during which I’ve been trapped in a car with one of the worst drivers I’ve ever seen, run up the Spanish Steps and then down again so I could be on time to wait in line to perjuer myself at the American consulate. And I’d like to continue doing those sorts of thing with you on a regular basis for the foreseeable future.

Nobody ever thinks clearly at the airport.

I'm on the verge of a total breakdown. Sciatica. Taxes. Cars. Fleas, possibly. It's an absurd existence.