David Nicholls Quotes

I thank God for not making me a computer scientist.

Wit is the epitaph of an emotion.

When I'm funny is when I'm angriest.

Humor is the affectionate communication of insight.

If you look at 'Network' or any kind of satire, it's fundamentally unemotional in some ways.

I think my favorite theory so far is that I am actually a robot. That's pretty great. In real life.

The best computer is a man, and it’s the only one that can be mass-produced by unskilled labor.

But you do have to learn, if you want to be a satirist, you can't be part of the party. Meaning, you can't go horseback riding with Jackie O in Central Park if you're going to make a joke about her that night.

She looks like a woman who has found it ridiculous to commit herself to a single emotional stance in anything, but must always ride high heavy irony.

I regard everything with irony, including the face I see in the mirror when I wake up in the morning.

Humor is just truth, only faster!

Gentlemen, Chicolini here may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you: he really is an idiot. I implore you, send him back to his father and brothers, who are waiting for him with open arms in the penitentiary. I suggest that we give him ten years in Leavenworth, or eleven years in Twelveworth.

I saw that on Small Business Saturday, the president went shopping at a bookstore and bought 17 books, including "The Laughing Monsters," "Being Mortal," and "Heart of Darkness." Or as the cashier put it, "You OK, man? Maybe a little 'Chicken Soup for the Presidential Soul?'

I'm prepared to take advice on leisure from Prince Philip. He's a world expert on leisure. He's been practicing it for most of his adult life.

He who laughs last didn't get it in the first place.

So you walk up to this man sinner and you say, "God loves you and He has a wonderful plan for your life!" and he goes, "What? God loves me? That's fantastic. I LOVE ME, TOO! And He loves me more than I love me? Well, that's hard to imagine. I'll take a God like that. You got two of them?"

Satire, though it may exaggerate the vice it lashes, is not justified in creating it in order that it may be lashed.

You know, sarcasm is the lowest form of wit.' 'And yet it is still extremely funny.

Did you use a chainsaw?" Joey said. "I seem to recall you like chainsawa." "There wasn't a power outlet." Clay turned to me. "That's what I want for Father's Day, darling. A gas powered chainsaw.

"It would seem that you have no useful skill or talent whatsoever" he said. "Have you thought of going into teaching?"

[To the man who came up to her at a party and exclaimed effusively, 'Tallulah! I haven't seen you for 41 years!':] I thought I told you to wait in the car.

Very deep. You should send that in to the Reader's Digest. They've got a page for people like you.

Humor is a kind of emotional chaos told about calmly and quietly in retrospect.There is always a laugh in the utterly familiar.

He wondered why the pelican was the symbol of charity, except it was that it wanted a good deal of charity to admire a pelican.