Dave Barry Quotes

Life is full of ironies and absurdities.

Randomness scares people. Religion is a way to explain randomness.

Gregory,” she said, “you cannot leave me here. What if someone finds you and removes you from the house? Who will know I am here? And what if…and what if…and then what if…” He smiled, enjoying her officiousness too much to actually listen to her words. She was definitely herself again. “When this is all over,” he said, “I shall bring you a sandwich.” That stopped her short. “A sandwich? A sandwich?

Irony is based on insecurity; people like to not like things because they don't understand them.

From now on when people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I planned to say, Amnesiac.

Seriously, I don't need a gun. I'm easily annoyed. I would shoot people in my house that I invited over.

Fondness for people can be terrifying, because it's intangible and it can disappear, or it can be taken away, or you can say the wrong thing. A million things, so it's so uncomfortable. So when you suddenly become aware of it because they don't call you or something for half an hour or whatever, you lose it.

What are we doing here? Has something gone wrong?” “Oh no, Ron,” came Fred’s voice, very sarcastically. “No, this is exactly where we wanted to end up.

People who count their chickens before they are hatched act very wisely because chickens run about so absurdly that it's impossible to count them accurately.

Sure,” she said, and hugged the laptop bag closer. “What could go wrong?” Michael’s eyes flashed to meet hers in the rearview mirror. Besides everything, I mean,” she said.

Fate likes to tease paranoids.'

If things happen all the time you are never nervous. It is when they are not happening that you are nervous.

My brief flash of relief and confidence melted away. Good thing it did, too. I'm sure the world would come to an end if I were allowed to feel a sense of relief and well-being for any length of time.

You know the minute you stop thinking about it, it'll happen.

"I hope to-morrow will be a fine day, Lane." "It never is, sir." "Lane, you're a perfect pessimist." "I do my best to give satisfaction, sir."

At least there's nothing scary about him and hopefully he doesn't see anything scary in me. We go way back, to summer camp. We KNOW each other. People I don't know just make me want to say YIKES! I'll take history over mystery any day of the week.

There's a lot of despair in the USA. Young people are afraid for the future.

There was always something hidden. Lying in wait to spring up and ruin everything.

If you are confident you have done everything possible to prepare yourself, then there is nothing to fear.

Worry retards reaction and makes clear-cut decisions impossible.

I do think awful things may happen at any moment, so while they are not happening, you may as well be pleased.

The fear of death in the one place was not as strong as another kind of fear, the fear of a world gone crazy, a place where anything could happen, where nothing could be trusted, where nothing was certain. A terrible place.

Very deep. You should send that in to the Reader's Digest. They've got a page for people like you.

That worked great! Thank you so much. What next?" "I don't know. I didn't expect you to live through it." "Oh.

Writing is a great comfort to people like me, who are unsure of themselves and have trouble expressing themselves properly.