Amber Heard Quotes

I went up a straight crooked lane and, I said 'No thanks, yes if yer please.

I like both slapstick and contradiction. Like philosophers.

I worked offshore as an oil worker for a couple of years.

I look out the chair while eating my pillow. I open the wall, I walk with my ears. I have ten eyes to walk with and two fingers to look with. I put my head on the floor to sit down, I put my bottom on the ceiling. After eating the music box, I spread jam on the rug for a great dessert.

I'm glad you asked. It has nothing to do with oil, literally nothing to do with oil.

The absurd is only too necessary on earth. The world stands on absurdities.

All of Iraq's oil fields are under U.S. control which is ironic considering all the gas stations here are run by Middle Easterners.

There are “well-known secrets” out there and there are people who are “so happy they could die.” Sometimes people are so sad they have to laugh and sometimes things feel so wrong, they’re right. Basically what I’m saying is, I usually don’t know what people are talking about.

Rockefeller made his money in oil, which he discovered at the bottom of wells. Oil was considered crude in those days, but so was Rockefeller. Now both are considered quite refined.

Irony is the word I forget the meaning of immediately after I look it up, but I kind of feel like I live in a constant state of it.

I suppose I wanted to have my cake and eat it. But then again, what were you going to do with your cake if not eat it? Frame it? Use it as a sachet in your underwear drawer?

I rather like the smell of absurdity in the morning.

I've said it before and I'll say it again. The U.S. Geological Survey has told me that the proven potential for oil in Alaska alone is greater than the proven reserves in Saudi Arabia.

Just about everything in this world is easier said than done, with the exception of 'systematically assisting Sisyphus's stealthy, syst-susceptible sister,' which is easier done than said.

He's as nutty as a vegan T-bone.

Our own peculiar human condition is that we are as fit to be laughed at as able to laugh.

I conclude that there is as much sense in nonsense as there is nonsense in sense.

One of the greatest pleasures I get from my measly professional career is confusing people. "Wait - he beats women and seems like a Nazi, but he has impeccable grammar and keen reasoning skills and sings country music and can, from time to time, say or do something really funny?" It absolutely doesn't compute for them. I enjoy that immensely.

I laugh at weird times - at good and bad things alike. I laugh simply when things are incongruous. It's not necessarily a judgment - as it is noticing the oddity of something.

Realizing that life is precious the natural tendency is to trample on it, like laughing at a funeral.

I can read minds, but I'm illiterate.

But he had hardly felt the absurdity of those things, on the one hand, and the necessity of those others, on the other, (for it is rare that the feeling of absurdity is not followed by the feeling of necessity), when he felt the absurdity of those things of which he had just felt the necessity (for it is rare that the feeling of necessity is not followed by the feeling of absurdity.)

One farmer says to me, "You cannot live on vegetable food solely, for it furnishes nothing to make the bones with;" and so he religiously devotes a part of his day to supplying himself with the raw material of bones; walking all the while he talks behind his oxen, which, with vegetable-made bones, jerk him and his lumbering plow along in spite of every obstacle.

The devil is not, indeed, perfectly humorous, but that is only because he is the extreme of all humor.

I'm easy to get along with, and intolerant.