Lewis Grizzard Quotes

No one is more insufferable than he who lacks basic courtesy.

There's no excuse for rudeness.

It is more comfortable for me, in the long run, to be rude than polite.

If someone's being less than courteous to you, I don't think you need to pay any attention to them.

If you're not a nice person, don't call.

I have never really encountered anybody that was rude to me. Well, not to my face anyway.

Manners require time, and nothing is more vulgar than haste.

I'm at the doctor's office. I'm in the waiting room. And there's this guy on his cell phone, talking really loud. Does he think he owns the place? Apparently. I think this is so offensive. But you have to remember: It doesn't take a cell phone to make people rude. People were rude before there were cell phones.

When you've finished using a car, put the f***ing seat back, so humans can use it afterwards.

It seldom pays to be rude. It never pays to be only half-rude.

You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can’t pick your friend’s nose.

This piece of rudeness was more than Alice could bear: she got up in great disgust, and walked off; the Dormouse fell asleep instantly, and neither of the others took the least notice of her going, though she looked back once or twice, half hoping that they would call after her: the last time she saw them, they were trying to put the Dormouse into the teapot. At any rate I'll never go THERE again!' said Alice as she picked her way through the wood. "It's the stupidest tea-party I ever was at in all my life!

The only thing that bothers me is if I'm in a restaurant and I'm eating and someone says, 'Hey, mind if I smoke?' I always say, 'No. Mind if I fart?

Good manners require space and time.

A man of no conversation should smoke.

I would not have had that happen to you. Discourtesy is unspeakably ugly to me.

I'm not a fan of purposely farting in front of other people. If you have to fart, leave the room.

It is a wise thing to be polite; consequently, it is a stupid thing to be rude. To make enemies by unnecessary and willful incivility, is just as insane a proceeding as to set your house on fire. For politeness is like a counter--an avowedly false coin, with which it is foolish to be stingy.

Do not smoke without asking permission or sit so near (as in a train) that the smoke might annoy.

This rudeness is a sauce to his good wit, Which gives men stomach to digest his words With better appetite.

Hope, politeness, the blowing of a nose, the squeak of a boot, all produce "boum.

Courtesy is fine and heaven knows we need more and more of it in a rude and frenetic world, but mechanized courtesy is as pallid as Pablum ... in fact, it isn't even courtesy.

Politeness has been defined to be artificial good-nature; but we may affirm, with much greater propriety, that good-nature is natural politeness.

There's a right way of doing things and a wrong way. If you've made up your mind to be different from everybody else, I don't suppose I can stop you, but I really don't think it's very considerate.

Good manners spring from just one thing - kind impulses.