J. K. Rowling Quotes

Say what you will, but you’re never prepared for the surprise attack.

I don't think I'd have done comedy if I was born eighty years ago I'd have been a lord. Shooting people that were on my land With a wig, yeah. And some crisps.

You know the old joke, I went to the fights and a hockey game broke out.

I love to sing. I'm definitely not a very good singer, but when I'm in my shower I get down for sure.

Terrorists had the advantage of surprise.

A woman was taking a shower. There is a knock on the door. Who is it? Blind man! The woman opens the door. Where do you want these blinds, lady?

As a dancer I couldn't outdance Ginger Rogers or Eleanor Powell. As a singer I'm no rival to Doris Day. As an actress I don't take myself seriously...I'm the girl the truck drivers love.

For Joey Bishop, always was kind of the lost soul, so I did a traffic joke.

Many times during auditions, I was told that I couldn't carry a note with a bucket, and that I sure couldn't play the piano.

People paused to listen to Denise Chávez and she had them - with gum on her shoes, she had them. She said she stepped on gum when she came up to the stage and she couldn't move, so she had to stay in one spot otherwise people would see the Chiclet.

It's the way that I think about the world, and the way that I like to tell stories - I don't think you should get too heavy. There's enough out there, in the world, with violence. I think that comedy lightens the heaviness [of the world].

I'm looking forward to a future where there are roles of greater vulnerability and humor involved.

I'm such a goofball - I need someone who can make fun of me.

We're all endowed with God-given talents. Mine happens to be hitting people in the head.

I used to be a folk singer, but I was... dreadful. I had a voice like a goose farting in the fog.

He picked up the skull and knocked an onion ring out of its eye socket. "I see Sophie has been busy again. Couldn't you have restrained her, my friend?" The skull yattered its teeth at him. Howl put it down rather hastily.

[Keeping Up with the Joneses] is not one of those movies where people get shot and fall down and there's no reality of what would happen if you got shot and knocked over a motorcycle. It's meant to be a slight comedy in that sense.

The Feast of Fortuna had nothing to do with tuna, which was fine with Percy.

Last week I was walking by a cemetery, two guys came after me with shovels. It was all about money.

That's the key to comedy: allowing yourself to look stupid

There are some weapons you can't protect yourself against.

I think people who do comedy tend to do it well, and to do it painfully and truthfully. So making the leap to drama is easier for them because everything they've done is from pain anyway.

I don't mind looking foolish but it's just that I'm so bad at singing. The only time people ask me to sing is if they want the party to stop. If they want everyone to go home. Immediately.

I don't know if I was always an open person, but I think stand-up comics specifically have this way of running towards embarrassing things - whereas regular people tend to run away - because the embarrassing story is always going to be the really funny story.

At the time, my 6-year-old kept thinking my character's name was "Sam Alone," which is kind of brilliant. The funny came out of Sam's sad core: the alcoholic, the sex addict, the person who thinks he's God's gift.