Kathryn Harrison Quotes

Like so many women, I was living out the unlived life of my mother, so I wouldn't be her. But the price I paid was that I distanced myself internally. I wasn't as close to her then as I nowadays, in retrospect, wish I had been.

I think my biggest focus for myself is learning how to continue to get through the trauma that my father has caused in my life.

I had a lot of anger because I wasn't happy with the way I had been raised.

I found it hard to express myself in the world. I was very shy. I'm still very shy. But also, when I was a child, I could get very... I had this violence... I still get angry. But I don't break things; I'm not hysterical.

I would certainly say that my life, and perhaps human life in general, follows an intricate pattern of defining, declaring, struggling for, fighting for what we think of and treasure as the self. The inviolate self. This begins with our families: your parents are part of your cultural landscape, and they are also shaped by larger forces than them.

[On her mother:] I was in nervous flight from her ever since I can remember anything, and from the age of fourteen I set myself obdurately against her in a kind of inner emigration from everything she represented. Girls do have to grow up, but has this battle always been so implacable?

As we try to change, we will discover within us a fierce struggle between our loyalty to that battle-scarred victim of his own childhood, our father, and the father we want to be. We must meet our childhood father at close range: get to know him, learn to forgive him, and somehow, go beyond him.

Our personalities seem dangerously to blur and overlap with our mother's; and, in a desperate attempt to know where mother ends and daughter begins, we perform radical surgery.

When I started writing 'My Struggle,' my father was still an issue: someone I had in me every day, someone I would dream about - he was still a part of me. He was such a huge figure for me, and now he is just one among many, and that feels like a relief.

I feel like I've been guarded since I was about three years old. I don't know why. I come from such a huge family, so maybe it's that. Maybe it comes from going to Christmas and having 30 people all in your face at once. I've always been a bit like, 'Aaargh!'

I was kicked out of the house, and I was really difficult as a kid. I'm happy it happened because I was able to grow so much from it, you know? It's always hurtful to feel that you can't be on the same page with people that you love as much as your family. Sometimes they don't know how to deal with all the things that are coming at them.

Not having a great relationship with my brother Aaron, or what people think that relationship should be, didn't define me.

I didn't grow up with my father in my life, and that bred a resentment in me, and it bred a mentality in me that made me very angry.

I've never been good at getting on people's nerves, and from the little quotes I read, it's like, 'You're not doing enough in your life if you're not making someone angry.' And I'm like, 'Man. But my life - I seem to help people get somewhere, so am I not? Should I be more aggressive?' That's the way my inside voice sounds.

The core of who I am and what I'm about, I'm a loyal person, I'm honourable, as I say I'm a softie I'll do anything for anyone. But, there's this other part of me that, I've been exposed to so much at a young age that's now, right, I have to look after myself.

I was 15 when I did Rufio and now I've been Rufio for more of my life than I haven't been. Wrestling with that is always interesting because you don't want to be fully defined by it, but at the same time it's you, and you don't want to be ashamed of you either.

I felt like I needed to come to terms with the decision I'd made to let go of my family. What do you do when you want to be loyal to your family but you feel that loyalty to them is in conflict somehow with loyalty to yourself?

Violence was very much a part of my mother's upbringing - a little less so with my father's, but my father was an angry man when he was young. He was angry and frustrated and had no idea how to channel anger.

My parents hate each other, and I think that's why I never wanted anyone to get close to me.

When I was between 18 and 25 it was like I had problem finding the middle of my personality.

The simplest way that I can understand therapy is that we're born a certain way, we're taught to be something different, and we spend our whole lives trying to unravel it.

It was the first rent in the holy image of my father, it was the first fissure in the columns that had upheld my childhood, which every individual must destroy before he can become himself.

I had been playing with matches and burned a small rug. I was in the process of covering up my crime when suddenly God saw me. I felt His gaze inside my head and on my hands....I flew into a rage against so crude an indiscretion, I blasphemed....He never looked at me again....I had the more difficulty getting rid of Him the Holy Ghost in that He had installed Himself at the back of my head....I collared the Holy Ghost in the cellar and threw Him out.

When I hear the deepest truths I speak coming out of my mouth sounding like my mother's, even remembering how I fought against her, I have to reassess both our relationship as well as the sources of my knowing.

I thought of all the times we'd been together, how I kept coming closer, then retreating, while he stayed right where he was. A constant in a world where few, if any, really existed.