Christopher Moore Quotes

‎You cannot correct an old person every time they say something offensive. You would never make it through Thanksgiving dinner!

Oh my God. What in—” I was going to be killed by two generations of beautiful women. While naked. “Mom,” Isabel snapped, interrupting. “Do you mind not staring? It’s totally perv.

My parents are both very funny but they're also relatively soft-spoken, normal human beings while I'm just a lunatic. I don't know where this loud, ballsy, hammy ridiculousness came from. I'm just glad I followed my goals and my parents did too. It's not like we even had a plan when I dragged my mom to Los Angeles.

I was the child who would leave school and take her clothes off the second I got into the house. I made my mom buy me lingerie when I was 5 years old. I was a sicko. My mother must have been mortified.

I forgive my mom for being a psycho and my dad for being a loser.

I was with my grandmother, while one of my brothers lived with my dad, and one lived with my mom. It wasn't a great situation. Acting was the one good thing I was involved in.

The guy who kind of identified as my dad was my dad's brother, who was the second person my mom married.

My mom's one of 13 siblings, and they all got six kids, and till I was 13 everybody was in Compton.

I grew up in a family where the women were just nuts. They didn't stand around in cardigans making polite conversation while they chopped tomatoes.

I have spoken honestly about being born into a home where there was discord and chaos. I saw my mom have a rough time with my dad being very controlling, which is why I push back whenever I feel like someone is trying to box me in. It makes me run for the hills.

My dad's name is Vernon and my mom liked the initials, V. V. My sisters and I got named Victoria, Valerie and Vincent so we'd be V. V.'s, too. But, then when you start getting pets' names that start with a 'v,' it's a little embarrassing.

I've never had siblings, I didn't grow up in a big family; it was just me and my single mom. And hectic family dysfunction was actually something that I craved.

I don't have a creepy uncle, but I certainly have many, many uncles. My mom has twelve brothers and sisters, and my dad has two sisters and three brothers. Their maturity level is still hovering around fifteen when they all get together, but they're not necessarily creepy.

I grew up in a very relaxed environment in one sense, without many rules. My mother had a problem knowing where to draw the line, which caused a chaotic and hectic home life. A lot of people took advantage of my mom.

I don't have anything against my mom, but my family has no emotional connection to each other.

I tell my kids no television and no cellphones at the table.

I spend a lot of my spare time with my family. My sisters, parents, and in-laws all live nearby.

I think that it's awkward watching a video with your mom, particularly when you're making out with a girl or a sexy scene. I would rather be away from that!

No family is complete without an embarrassing uncle.

I was raised in a house where my mom was the primary breadwinner. It was a dysfunctional house, but she showed tremendous resilience.

When we go somewhere, my dad will start shouting my name very loudly. He'll yell, 'Oh, my God, it's Sara Sampaio!' My brother does the same.

I remember so clearly from when I was five years old, my mom and dad arguing over - not over whether it was better, but whether it was proper or whether it was correct to eat with a fork or to eat with your hands, like we do in Sri Lanka. Proper. Like, what is the correct way to eat?

He begged to know to which of his fair cousins the excellency of its cookery was owing. Briefly forgetting her manners, Mary grabbed her fork and leapt from her chair onto the table. Lydia, who was seated nearest her, grabbed her ankle before she could dive at Mr. Collins and, presumably, stab him about the head and neck for such an insult.

Never underestimate a parent's ability to mortify his child.