Pete Holmes Quotes

I'm very interested in how corruption works - and it's not necessarily the way one might expect.

We in the FBI engaged in some very illegal law enforcement.

I enjoyed harassing tram conductors.

President Trump has often crossed the line of what constitutes decent behavior.

It's two o'clock in the morning, they're not going to get any nooky anyway, so this one guy and the guy with the t-shirt guy started sniffing the girls panties.

I think it does surprise me a bit when people have a very fixed idea of what I'm like, based upon the work that I do, which is something that is very separate.

Some women take up the law and become lawyers. Other women lay down the law and become wives.

You are beyond frustrating," she grumbled. "Why can't you do what I ask you to do without issuing a million questions first?" "I could say the same of you." "I don't--Argh." She raised a fist at him. "So maybe I do ask a lot of questions. So what. Anyone in my position would do the same. Besides, I'm a girl and that's my job. You're a boy. You're supposed to pound your chest with your fists and grunt, then do everything in your power to please me." "Hardly. The man you just described is more likely to knock you over the head with a club and drag you away by the hair." -Annabelle and Zacharel

You will continue to read stories of crookedness and corruption - of policemen who lie and steal, doctors who reap where they do not sew, politicians on the take. Don't be misled. They are news because they are the exceptions.

A womans mistakes are different from a girls

I wish someone would have told me that, just because I'm a girl, I don't have to get married.

I suppose when some people see you on TV, they expect you to be this flamboyant, champagne-drinking stud. But I'm not like that.

Stereotypes wouldn't be so bad if black people were nicer, in general.

Want him to be more of a man? Try being more of a woman!

Age has extremely little to do with anything that matters. The difference between one age and another is, as a rule, enormously exaggerated.

All husbands are alike, but they have different faces so you can tell them apart.

My agent had told me that he was going to make me the Janet Gaynor of England—I was going to play all the sweet roles. Whereupon, at the tender age of thirteen, I set upon the path of playing nothing but hookers.

Be careful of men who are bald and rich; the arrogance of "rich" usually cancels out the nice of "bald".

Self-actualized people...live more in the real world of nature than in the man-made mass of concepts, abstractions, expectations, beliefs and stereotypes that most people confuse with the world.

Don't assume I'm dumb because I wear a suit and tie.

Obama doesn't seem like a burger and a beer kind of guy. I have to say, I don't find that problematic at all.

We're not just somebody's girlfriend who smiles all the time and bakes cookies and always has lingerie ready and their hair done. That's not real. The roles that I play are about bringing as much reality into it as possible.

If you're changing diapers and going to the playground, any ambitions of being a cool guy have to fly out the window.

After all, what could you expect from a pig but a grunt?

Men are taught to apologise for their weaknesses, women for their strengths.