Mallory Ortberg Quotes

People are starting to recognize me, and it can be hard because I'm a really nice person, and people will ask me uncomfortable questions like they know me, and I'm just like, 'Umm... can I walk away now?'

My feelings for Ellen overrode all of my fear about being out as a lesbian. I had to be with her, and I just figured I'd deal with the other stuff later.

I'm a lesbian. Yup. Hundred percent. Hundred percent. I remember being in college, and I had fallen in love with this woman, and I remember sitting in my dorm room saying out loud to myself, like, 'You have enough problems. You are not gonna let this happen.' You just kinda, like, stuff it away until - well, some people stuff it away forever.

I don't need my sexuality celebrated, and I certainly don't need it to be criticized. I didn't necessarily want it to be observed, but here we are.

You know, I'm not really any good at working out when people are flirting with me. And I think I'm too flirtatious with people I'm trying not to flirt with! What I am good at is making people feel uncomfortable. I don't want to but it always ends up happening!

I was a closet straight. I think I wanted to be gay because I thought it was arty and interesting. And also, I was phenomenally shy with girls.

Some women can't say the word lesbian... even when their mouth is full of one.

I'm not even kind of a lesbian.

I have never, ever talked about my orientation or sexuality because whether I am heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, asexual, it is my concern. I refuse to talk about it... I have not been brought up to talk about my sex life.

I've always been comfortable in my own skin - sometimes a little too comfortable, which in turn makes other people uncomfortable.

There's no law against asking strangers about their lives and feelings, although sometimes it really feels like there is.

I believe one's sexuality is one's own business. I really don't go around discussing it. Call me 'old school' on that topic.

For the most part, it was never assumed that I was gay, and I've had people be sort of surprised that I was gay or act apologetic like they didn't know, which would just make me really uncomfortable. And I never had shame for it, but I never felt like introducing myself as, 'I'm Antoni. I'm gay. How are you?'

Me, I'm a lesbian: I find women fascinating.

I'm not ashamed in the least bit of being gay or being a lesbian. I just prefer to call myself gay for some reason.

The best way to create emotional or spiritual distance between me and another person is for them to come up to me and go, 'yaassssss.'

I didn't want it to feel like I was shoving my sexuality down people's throats.

You can pair me up with anybody but that's not a nice thing to do. I should also be comfortable to make male friends.

Even as a kid, classmates asked pointed personal questions about my family. I have conditioned myself to handle it with maturity.

I'd go to lesbian parties. I felt like I wasn't hard enough to be butch, but I wasn't wearing heels and a skirt - I wasn't femme - so I felt like I was sort of invisible.

I'm a lesbian. That's how I identify myself, but I think there's a massive spectrum for everyone.

When asked, 'Shall I tell my mother I'm gay?', I reply, 'Never tell your mother anything.

When I kissed a girl, nobody was around. So I didn't do it for anybody. I'm not a lesbian. I encourage anybody to try anything, just make sure you have integrity and character. It doesn't matter who anyone loves. I am for gay rights and I also have a boyfriend.

Look, I can't go out with you, because... because... because I'm a lesbian.

When I was young there were lesbians who said "Oh, I will free myself of all norms of masculinity, all norms of heterosexuality ". And then, they ended up in very complex relationships that were maybe full of heterosexual power dynamics or full of lesbian forms of masculinity and they became very confused.