Dave Barry Quotes

I play dumb like Jessica Simpson plays dumb. But we know exactly what we're doing. We're smart blondes.

I always hear, 'Oh, she's really beautiful.' I'd die to hear, 'Oh, she's really smart.' I'm not as dumb as I look.

Dory is what Mum used to call a "strong-looking woman," which means that, from the back, she looked like a man, and, from the front, you preferred the back

Assume nothing. Inside every dumb blond there may be a very smart brunette.

The intelligent man finds almost everything ridiculous, the sensible man hardly anything.

I've known attractive airheads, and I've known ugly idiots.

When you are intelligent and beautiful you face a lot of problems. If you are beautiful and stupid then it's easy.

You have to be highly intelligent to get away with a dumb joke. That takes a pretty smart fella.

I may be a dumb blonde, but I'm not that blonde.

If you think squash is a competitive activity, try flower arranging.

It's easier to sit there and say you don't like feminists because they don't have a sense of humor.

My dad used to say, 'Just because you dress up in a coat and tie, it doesn't influence your intelligence.'

Writers are nerds.

Everything is not serious. If you don't like what I'm saying, change the channel - don't look at me, don't buy a ticket. You either get it or you don't, and it's fascinating because it's usually intelligent people with a sense of humor who get it.

People around the NBA really think that I'm dumb or stupid. But people that know me know that I'm actually very intelligent.

You can't deny the truth. And that's what makes smart comedy so good.

Because I don't wear a suit, and have such a horrible boy band face, people assume that I'm not doing satirical material.

Sharon Needles was based on two things: That she was beautiful and that she was stupid.

If a woman is poorly dressed, you notice her dress. If a woman is impeccably dressed, you notice the woman.

I do not deny that what happened to us is a thing worth laughing at. But it is not worth telling, for not everyone is sufficiently intelligent to be able to see things from the right point of view.

You can tell how smart people are by what they laugh at.

I would like to break out of this "dark, brooding" image, cause I'm actually not like that at all. In Ireland, brooding is a term we use for hens. A brooding hen is supposed to lay eggs. Everytime somebody says "He's dark and brooding" I think: "He's about to lay an egg".

I would do the baby voice and it's kind of like this character I made up. But in real life, I'm completely different. I'm very smart. I think a lot of people will assume I'm an airhead.

I believe some people are just too damn smart to write fiction.

That is an editor. He is trying to think of a word. He props his feet on a chair, which is the editor's way; then he can think better. I do not care much for this one; his ears are not alike; still, editor suggests the sound of Edward, and he will do. I could make him better if I had a model, but I made this one from memory. But is no particular matter; they all look alike, anyway. They are conceited and troublesome, and don't pay enough.