Laurence Sterne Quotes

I didn't think I was a humorless shrew in 'Knocked Up.' I think the women are just as funny as the men are in that movie.

I don't say things to be offensive; I say things because they're funny to me. It amuses me.

I'm not one for blaspheming, but that one made me laugh.

When I'm being funny, I try not to offend. I don't think much of what I've done has been in really ghastly taste. I don't think I have embarrassed many people or distressed them.

I don't really see the point in offensive comedy.

They're just jokes, people. They can't all be funny.

I'm not easily offended. I have a pretty high tolerance for raunchiness or shock value, so I'm the wrong person to use as a gauge.

I just don't believe in joking about violence anymore.

It's such a lie that women go for funny men.

I'm not sure I'd classify any topics as off-limits, but I don't look for new territories to offend. There's my joke about when my roommate beat cancer. People talk about cancer survivors like they're warriors, but from where I was sitting, she was just watching television and eating soup. Like, did she go to war? No. She kind of just sat around.

I played the tour in 1967 and told jokes and nobody laughed. Then I won the Open the next year, told the same jokes, and everybody laughed like hell.

I've met a lot of pin-up girls, but I've never been able to pin one down

I don't aim it at anybody specific, I don't aim my characters to make old people laugh or young people or professionals or blue collar, just whatever I think is going to be funny and it just so happens that.

Love is when he is hungry and you feed him. Love is knowing when he is hungry.

Sir, I have seen your film and it is vulgar! Madame, my film rises below vulgarity.

Who cuts is easily wounded. The readier you are to offend the sooner you are offended.

I was a kid and it was kind of scabrous, and it wasn't the sacrilege that bothered me so much as the obscenity that challenged a 14-year-old American. But over the years, I came to have a keen appreciation of Charlie Hebdo and what it did.

If it's dirty, it's not funny, but if it's funny, it's not dirty.

It’s just what they are — they’re jokes…most jokes are about Jewish people, rednecks, black folks…I can’t determine what offends another person.

I like my women like I like my coffee . . . I don’t like coffee.

Avoid witticisms at the expense of others.

I think we're losing our sense of humor instead of being able to relax and laugh at ourselves. I don't care whether it's ethnicity, age, sexual orientation, or whose ox is being gored.

I make a lot of jokes about vegetarians in my act but most of them don't have the strength to protest.

Raillery is more insupportable than wrong; because we have a right to resent injuries, but are ridiculous in being angry at a jest.

Sometimes my humor does offend people, and I've said it before: I don't write jokes to be offensive. I write jokes to be funny, and I guess what I find funny are things that other people sometimes find offensive. I would love nothing more than to never offend anyone, but it just doesn't seem to work out that way.