Rodney Dangerfield

(Jack Roy)

Rodney Dangerfield
Rodney Dangerfield
  • Born: November 22, 1921
  • Died: October 5, 2004
  • Nationality: American
  • Profession: Stand-up Comedian, Actor, Producer, Screenwriter, Comedian









Jack Roy, popularly known by the stage name Rodney Dangerfield, was an American stand-up comedian, actor, voice artist, filmmaker, musician and author known for his self-deprecating one-liners humor, his catchphrase "I don't get no respect!" and his monologues on that theme.

Quotes About
Author Quote
Quote Topics Cited
A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.
Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask. Each time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself. Time
At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can't. Hope
I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.
I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it. Time
I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people. Humor
I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest. Respect
I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.
I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her. Humor
I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap. Humor ;Families, Children & Parenting
I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it. Families, Children & Parenting
I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette.
I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof. Time
I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.
I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender. Truth
I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out. Sports & Athletics
I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all. Life
I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table. Life ;Nutrition, Food, Starvation, Farming & Agriculture
I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or going.
It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass. Families, Children & Parenting
Life is just a bowl of pits. Life
Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.
My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend. Families, Children & Parenting
My mother had morning sickness after I was born. Morning
My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
My wife can't cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.
My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light.
On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.
Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me. Morning
We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together. Families, Children & Parenting
What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother. Health, Healthcare & Medicine
With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we'll never see each other!
With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me. Respect
Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.' Religion & God