Bill Maher

(William Maher)

Bill Maher
Bill Maher
  • Born: January 20, 1956
  • Nationality: American
  • Profession: Comedian









Quote Topics Cited
Comedians in general make their living calling liars on their lies. Miscellaneous
Donald Trump came to a political field that had already been shaped by big money in politics. Politics, Politicians & Political Campaigning & Fund Raising
Donald Trump’s test of loyalty of his staff is if they will go out and defend his lies. Politics, Politicians & Political Campaigning & Fund Raising ;Loyalty & Loyalty Oaths
Donald Trump’s tweets are the ravings of a demented man child. Communication & Communications ;Compliments, Insults & Rebukes ;Presidency, Vice Presidency & Prime Ministership
Donald Trump’s tweets are the ravings of a demented man child. Communication & Communications ;Compliments, Insults & Rebukes ;Politics, Politicians & Political Campaigning & Fund Raising
For every other war the government put out propaganda posters. Our government tells us to go shopping and see Cats again. War & Peace
If conservatives get to call universal healthcare 'socialized medicine,' I get to call private, for-profit healthcare 'soulless, vampire bastards making money off human pain.’ Oratory, Discussion & Debate
If you want Republicans to care about kids, you are just going to have to jam them back in the uterus. Humor ;Compliments, Insults & Rebukes
If you want Republicans to care about kids, your just going to have to jam them back in the uterus.
In a democracy you [politicians] have to let the press and the people give you crap. Politics, Politicians & Political Campaigning & Fund Raising
Lyndon Johnson used to call his chauffer “Boy,” but he passed the greatest Civil Rights bill in the history of the company. Politics, Politicians & Political Campaigning & Fund Raising
Mitt Romney runs on the claim “I ran a business, therefore I know how to run the country.” Actually, all he did was fire people. Presidency, Vice Presidency & Prime Ministership
Money does not always win elections. Usually it does however. Politics, Politicians & Political Campaigning & Fund Raising
Now, I'm no doctor, but I am on TV. And in my professional opinion, George W. Bush is a paranoid schizophrenic. ... Compliments, Insults & Rebukes
Only 42 percent of Republicans believe Obama was born in the United States. That's an amazing statistic. How come in America, Christians are the only ones who won't take anything on faith? Miscellaneous
Political Correctness: The valuation of sensitivity over truth. Compliments, Insults & Rebukes
Tea Party protesters are corporate America's useful idiots. Compliments, Insults & Rebukes
The morality of [Donald] Trump’s lying didn’t bother me, but he is a stupid liar. Compliments, Insults & Rebukes ;Presidency, Vice Presidency & Prime Ministership
The people with the most ridiculous ideas are always the people who are most certain of them Human Nature
The Republicans love the truth, but they hate facts. Compliments, Insults & Rebukes
These people who do not get enough sex are always tring to stop the people who do. Freedom & Liberty
They are lovely people. All the political movements I’ve been associated with have consisted of lovely people. But what a successful political movement needs is not lovely people. Give me a mean son-of-a-bitch like Lew Atwater or Karl Rove. The Drug Reform people a lovely, stoned hippies. Politics, Politicians & Political Campaigning & Fund Raising
We have taken the idea of tolerance so far that we have to put up with intolerance. Freedom & Liberty
When they [most people] get a [government] benefit, they assume that God gave them it to them, But most people don’t want to pay for someone else’s undeserved benefits. Human Nature
You know that book, Everything You Need to Know You Learned in Kindergarten. Donald Trump violates every one of them: Don’t tell lies, don’t make fun of people who are handicapped, don’t be mean – all of them. Compliments, Insults & Rebukes ;Morality, Ethics & Conflict of Interest ;Presidency, Vice Presidency & Prime Ministership
Clinton left the White House with all the class of an XFL halftime show.
Curious people are interesting people; I wonder why that is.
Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease. Humor
Fame has sent a number of celebrities off the deep end, and in the case of Michael Jackson, to the kiddy pool.
Freedom isn't free. It shouldn't be a bragging point that 'Oh, I don't get involved in politics,' as if that makes someone cleaner. No, that makes you derelict of duty in a republic. Liars and panderers in government would have a much harder time of it if so many people didn't insist on their right to remain ignorant and blindly agreeable. Time ;Freedom & Liberty ;Politics, Politicians & Political Campaigning & Fund Raising
Hi, I'm Bill. I'm a birth survivor.
I do think the patriotic thing to do is to critique my country. How else do you make a country better but by pointing out its flaws? Citizenship & Patriotism
I never thought I'd say this: what Obama needs in his personality is a little George Bush.
I think capital punishment works great. Every killer you kill never kills again.
I think flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative. I think religion is a neurological disorder. Religion & God
If you belonged to a political party or a social club that was tied to as much bigotry, misogyny, homophobia, violence, and sheer ignorance as religion is, you'd resign in protest. Religion & God
If you think you have it tough, read history books. History
Iraq now says that it will, after all, destroy its missiles. President Bush said, 'Please, I used to pull the same trick. There'd be an intervention, I'd make a big show of pouring out the liquor and then there was a case under the floorboards.'
It's all been satirized for your protection.
Jim Bakker spells his name with two k's because three would be too obvious.
Kids. They're not easy. But there has to be some penalty for sex.
Let's face it; God has a big ego problem. Why do we always have to worship him? Religion & God
Let's make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake - you know, to send the right message to kids.
Maybe every other American movie shouldn't be based on a comic book. Other countries will think Americans live in an infantile fantasy land where reality is whatever we say it is and every problem can be solved with violence.
Men are only as loyal as their options. Humor
President Bush is supporting Arnold but a lot of Republicans are not, because he is actually quite liberal. Karl Rove said if his father wasn't a Nazi, he wouldn't have any credibility with conservatives at all.
Religion is dangerous because it allows human beings who don't have all the answers to think that they do. Religion & God
Religion, to me, is a bureaucracy between man and God that I don't need. Religion & God
Suicide is man's way of telling God, 'You can't fire me - I quit.' Religion & God ;Death
The Bible looks like it started out as a game of Mad Libs.
The Clinton White House today said they would start to give national security and intelligence briefings to George Bush. I don't know how well this is working out. Today after the first one Bush said, 'I've got one question: What color is the red phone?'
The country has become much more conservative, partly because it's been taken over by the religious right.
The jury could get the case as early as next week, but the defense says they just want to introduce one last-minute load of crap.
The tea baggers. The one thing they hate is when you call them racist. The other thing they hate is black people. But they won't say it.
They're talking about banning cigarette smoking now in any place that's used by ten or more people in a week, which, I guess, means that Madonna can't even smoke in bed.
Things aren't right. If a burglar breaks into your home and you shoot him, he can sue you. For what, restraint of trade?
This has been a learning experience for me. I also thought that privacy was something we were granted in the Constitution. I have learned from this when in fact the word privacy does not appear in the Constitution. Education, Learning, Knowledge & Training
This is a ridiculous heat wave we're in right now, and to contribute, Newt Gingrich said that for the entire month of June, he will stop blowing hot air.
To me a real patriot is like a real friend. Who's your real friend? It's the person who tells you the truth. That's who my real friends are. So, you know, I think as far as our country goes, we need more people who will do that. Truth ;Citizenship & Patriotism
We are a nation that is unenlightened because of religion. I do believe that. I think religion stops people from thinking. I think it justified crazies. Religion & God
We have been the cowards lobbing cruise missiles from 2,000 miles away. That's cowardly. Staying in the airplane when it hits the building, say what you want about it, it's not cowardly.
We have the Bill of Rights. What we need is a Bill of Responsibilities.
We need more people speaking out. This country is not overrun with rebels and free thinkers. It's overrun with sheep and conformists.
What Democratic congressmen do to their women staffers, Republican congressmen do to the country. Women
When you want to make it clear to the rest of the world that you are not an imperialist, the best countries to have with you are Britain and Spain.
Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them. Women