Andy Rooney

(Andrew Aitken Rooney)

Andy Rooney
Andy Rooney
  • Born: January 14, 1919
  • Died: November 4, 2011
  • Nationality: American
  • Profession: Journalist









Quote Topics Cited
Anybody who is smart enough to be great, will be smart enough not to be President Presidency, Vice Presidency & Prime Ministership
Before books, nothing got saved. We don’t know what the cavemen thought about caves even though they tried to write on the walls. History
It’s never too expensive to do the things that absolutely have to be done. Economics, The Economy & Fiscal Affairs
Men do things for other men in war that they would never do in peace. War & Peace
More than a million Americans have died in our wars—each one much loved by someone. War & Peace
Remembering doesn’t help the remembered. It is for the rest of us. Memorials, Monuments, Medals, Statues & Buildings
Republicans ... are conservatives who think it would be best if we faced the fact that people are no damned good. They think that if we admit that we have selfish, acquisitive natures and then set out to get all we can for ourselves by working hard for it, that things will be better for everyone. They are not insensitive to the poor, but tend to think the poor are impoverished because they won’t work. They think there would be fewer of them to feel sorry for if the government did not encourage the proliferation of the least fit among us with welfare programs. Political Parties & Machines
Sometimes a President seems greater after he has left office than while he was in it. Presidency, Vice Presidency & Prime Ministership
The French are simply not reliable partners in a world where the good people in it ought to be working together. The French managed to lose the 2nd World War in 20 minutes. Along with the British, we got into the war and had about 150,000 guys killed getting their country back for them. Foreign Policy, World & International Affairs
The more we know about life out there the easier it will be to improve life down here. Space Exploration
We should change our attitude toward the United Nations. There has to be some power in the world superior to our own. Power
We should not have attacked Iraq without the okay of the United Nations. Now we have to live with that mistake. We're living with it, and too many of our guys are dying with it. Power
What we need are more good doctors and fewer bad health plans. Health, Healthcare & Medicine
You really can’t blame the military for wanting to go to war [in Iraq]. They’ve got all these new toys and they want to know whether they work or not. Defense & National Security
You would think that the makers of men’s suits would make a suit for politicians with the American flag already built into the lapel. Nationalism & Treason ;Citizenship & Patriotism
A writer's job is to tell the truth. Truth
All men are not created equal but should be treated as though they were under the law.
Anyone who watches golf on television would enjoy watching the grass grow on the greens.
As an old reporter, we have a few secrets, and the first thing is we try the phone book.
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done. Science, Mathematics, Engineering & Technology
Computers may save time but they sure waste a lot of paper. About 98 percent of everything printed out by a computer is garbage that no one ever reads. Time ;Science, Mathematics, Engineering & Technology
Death is a distant rumor to the young. Death
Don't rule out working with your hands. It does not preclude using your head.
Elephants and grandchildren never forget.
Figure skating is an unlikely Olympic event but its good television. It's sort of a combination of gymnastics and ballet. A little sexy too which doesn't hurt.
Happiness depends more on how life strikes you than on what happens. Life ;Happiness & Unhappiness
I didn't get old on purpose, it just happened. If you're lucky, it could happen to you.
I don't like food that's too carefully arranged; it makes me think that the chef is spending too much time arranging and not enough time cooking. If I wanted a picture I'd buy a painting. Time ;Nutrition, Food, Starvation, Farming & Agriculture
I don't pick subjects as much as they pick me.
I don't think the government is out to get me or help someone else get me but it wouldn't surprise me if they were out to sell me something or help someone else sell me something. I mean, why else would the Census Bureau want to know my telephone number? Government
I hope all of you are going to fill out your census form when it comes in the mail next month. If you don't return the form the area you live in might get less government money and you wouldn't want that to happen, would you. Hope ;Government ;Money, Coins & Minting
I just wish we knew a little less about his urethra and a little more about his arms sales to Iran.
I like ice hockey, but it's a frustrating game to watch. It's hard to keep your eyes on both the puck and the players and too much time passes between scoring in hockey. There are usually more fights than there are points. Time
I obviously have a knack for getting on paper what a lot of people have thought and didn't realize they thought. And they say, 'Hey, yeah!' And they like that.
If dogs could talk it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one.
If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it.
I'm in a position of feeling secure enough so that I can say what I think is right and if so many people think it's wrong that I get fired, well, I've got enough to eat.
It's paradoxical, that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn't appeal to anyone. Life
Let's make a statement to the airlines just to get their attention. We'll pick a week next year and we'll all agree not to go anywhere for seven days.
Making duplicate copies and computer printouts of things no one wanted even one of in the first place is giving America a new sense of purpose. Science, Mathematics, Engineering & Technology
Most of us end up with no more than five or six people who remember us. Teachers have thousands of people who remember them for the rest of their lives. Education, Learning, Knowledge & Training
My own time is passing fast enough without some national game to help it along. Time
Nothing in fine print is ever good news.
Obscenities... I think a lot of dumb people do it because they can't think of what they want to say and they're frustrated. A lot of smart people do it to pretend they aren't very smart - want to be just one of the boys.
One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don't clean it up too quickly.
People will generally accept facts as truth only if the facts agree with what they already believe. Truth
Taxes are important. President Bush's tax proposals leave no rich person behind. Voters approve of President Bush helping the kind of people they wish they were one of.
The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
The average bright young man who is drafted hates the whole business because an army always tries to eliminate the individual differences in men. Business, Commerce & Finance
The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.
The closing of a door can bring blessed privacy and comfort - the opening, terror. Conversely, the closing of a door can be a sad and final thing - the opening a wonderfully joyous moment.
The dullest Olympic sport is curling, whatever 'curling' means. Sports & Athletics
The federal government has sponsored research that has produced a tomato that is perfect in every respect, except that you can't eat it. We should make every effort to make sure this disease, often referred to as 'progress', doesn't spread. Respect ;Government
The only people who say worse things about politicians that reporters do are other politicians.
The Super Bowl isn't for kids, I had a great time though and it was worth every nickel of it because by doing this lame piece about the game I can put it on my expense account. Time
The world must be filled with unsuccessful musical careers like mine, and it's probably a good thing. We don't need a lot of bad musicians filling the air with unnecessary sounds. Some of the professionals are bad enough.
Vegetarian - that's an old Indian word meaning lousy hunter.
We need people who can actually do things. We have too many bosses and too few workers.
We're all proud of making little mistakes. It gives us the feeling we don't make any big ones.
When those waiters ask me if I want some fresh ground pepper, I ask if they have any aged pepper.
Would a real man get caught eating a twinkie?
Writers don't retire. I will always be a writer.